Ending a great year on a not so great note

I had my 6 week check in this morning, and was sure that I was going to get cleared to start putting weight on my foot, and to start PT. I did not. Everything looks great, but the fusion isn't solid yet, and the doctor wants me to wait another few weeks before testing it. I guess this is normal for a second time around. I'm really disappointed and sad and frustrated. I go back in 3 weeks, which will put me at 9 weeks non weight bearing. Which is a really long time. Almost as long as last time.

I did get the green light to swim and bike (as long as I keep the boot on and keep resistance low), so that will help burn some energy. I swam for 20 minutes today, my shoulder feels ok, and I'm now congested and remembering why I don't like swimming. But I will love it for the next few months.

I'm very aware that this is really not a big deal, and it's an injury not a condition. It will get better. I will get my life back (or most of my life back). I have a lot of great things going on and I keep trying to focus on that.

More progress. More gross comparison photos.

(the gross ones are just from last year)

I'm amazed at the difference. It was so swollen and awful last time. I'm not getting the discoloration. I'm starting to be able to not elevate it without consequence. I've figured out how to grocery shop alone. I made it through a month of on-site client visits a few times a week. I go up and down these stairs

multiple times a day - although I will admit to always going down on my butt, and often crab-crawling up. Now that I know there's a good chance I can start rehabbing soon I'm SUPER impatient.

I've decided that I'm going to try to learn how to live in the real world sometimes, and not be slavish about this W30 - I know that violates everything that is W30, but I need to learn how to eat well (W30 works for me) 90% of the time, and visit reality occasionally. While the all-or-nothing approach is great during the all phases, and my nothing phases each get better, I need to learn how to live without training wheels. So I'm going to enjoy my birthday dinner. Dinner only. Not a whole day of treats. And I will eat W30 for as long as it's working for me, and have the very occasional drink or sauce or english muffin - when it's really worth it. 

second time's a charm? sixth time's a charm?

My incision is almost totally healed with minimal scarring. It's amazing. It looks better now (at 4.5 weeks) than it did last time at 10 weeks. X-rays looked great too (so says the doctor). The only thing that hurts is my whole body from contorting and crutching. I go back to the doc on New Year's Eve and should get the green light to start PT, swimming and putting weight on it. Cannot wait.

I've been off W30 for 6 weeks and I feel disgusting. So I'm going back on. Today. It'll be my sixth (I think) W30 and I'd like to go for W100, but I think there may be some work travel and vacation that could make that a silly idea. So I'm going to go for as long as I can and play it by ear. Yes, Christmas, my birthday and New Years are all in the next 10 days. I'll be fine. We're not having our annual Jewish Christmas Thanksgiving event, so no challenge there. I know where we're going for my birthday nice dinner out, and I'll be able to make good choices, and we're not doing anything for NYE - we'll probably just make a special dinner at home - so no problem there either.

I figure I'm on my way to being W30 more than not, the months keep getting closer together and the 30 days becomes more than 30, so eventually that will be how I live, with short visits to the rest of the world.

I'm excited. I'm ready to feel how I felt 6 weeks ago (ok, 6 weeks and one day ago, before I hurt my foot). My freezer has some meals ready to go (even when I'm not W30, pretty much everything I cook is, so my leftovers are good), and I'll do some more cooking today. I'm going to try to avoid nuts and pretend that the white potato rule didn't happen (I abused that one last time). I'm back on. Once I start moving again I should get back to where I was quickly.

clean! (warning, foot pictures below)

Got the stitches out yesterday and I'm amazed at how much better it looks this time than last.

3 weeks post-op

Very little swelling, and the incision seems to be healing as it should! Which is huge because last time I had a lot of trouble which tacked on another month to the process. I can now move my ankle and start to get some mobility back and take a shower without wrapping my foot in plastic - which felt so good!

My calf is already atrophying. The muscle is pure squish. Amazing how quickly that happens.

I did some exercises this morning, and (shocking) I really see a connection between how I feel when I do even the slightest activity and when I just sit on my butt. I need to start crutching around the neighborhood a bit - building up little by little just to get some air and exercise. I'm doing a bit better with food, and counting the days until we go back on W30. Thinking about trying for 100 days this time, but there will likely by some work travel and vacation that could make that not such a great idea.

enough already

I'm not doing the best job at this cheerful crutching thing. I'm pretty much over it. I miss my life. My whole body hurts from hauling my bulk around on sticks, and sitting all the time. My foot has entered a new phase of healing where it aches and swells. I knocked it twice and am of course convinced that I jostled everything out of place and need to have surgery again to fix it. Then I have vague recollections of going through this before. I see the doctor tomorrow, so I'll get x-rays and either stop worrying or get very sad.

I've been doing my mat workouts. I miss cardio desperately. I'm hopeful that I can start swimming soon, and have been researching swim lessons. I really need to start liking swimming. I have a massage this morning and I don't know that I've ever needed one more. Everything hurts.

So yeah, basically I'm fairly miserable and whiney. I'm snacking too much and know that's just making me feel worse. I need to control what I can control, and deal with the rest.

easier said than done...

Day 10 - ready for another W30

It's the end of Thanksgiving weekend. I've been eating biscuits and pie and drinking. I feel gross. I have not been eating biscuits and pie like I used to however. I've noticed a lot of changes since my months of W30 this year. I have left pie unfinished on my plate. I have not touched the pie or biscuits outside of mealtime (I used to do a lot of early morning edge straightening). Most interesting to me is that I am completely not interested in dairy products since this last W30/70-2. I am not at all tempted by cheese or ice cream. I have a few events this next week that make a complete return to W30 impractical, but the pie and biscuit and drinking events are for the most part done. Although I do finish grad school tomorrow and there will be a celebratory drink involved in that! I think that's a valid excuse.

I just read all my posts from the previous foot surgery on an old (private) blog. I was a mess. I know it's only been 10 days, but I'm in a totally different place. I'm getting out and doing things. I went grocery shopping on my own before Thanksgiving (at small stores, but still, on my own). I've been doing :40 of stretching and pilates/weights every other day. Yesterday we went to the Botanic Gardens and I did a lot of crutching (and a lot of being pushed in a wheel chair). I'm trying really hard to keep my life as normal as possible and just go do stuff even if its hard. I'm sore, my foot is still swollen and is itchy and tight, but my head feels pretty ok. I see the doctor again on Tuesday and may get a cast then, or may spend a week bandaged in a boot if I'm not ready for the cast yet. Either way I should be out of the splint and get cleaned up a bit.

Day 4 on the upswing

Friday was one of the worst days I can remember. I was in so much pain. I mostly just curled in a ball and cried. I broke down and texted the doctor at night and he told me I could take Aleve in addition to the pain meds to take down the swelling, and that helped. I slept most of the night, and felt much better by morning. Yesterday I was exhausted and dopey. I started dialing back the pain meds last night, woke up at about 4 this morning not in excruciating pain and took that as a sign I could switch to tylenol from the pain meds. So far so good. I need my brain back!

I did about 10 minutes of stretching and sit ups and leg lifts this morning to start balancing out the past 3 days of lying on the couch. I'll build that up every few days. I need to keep moving this time.

I've done a little self-pity snacking, but not too much. I've strayed a bit from W30, but that's what real life needs to be.

Tomorrow I go for my post-op appointment, and have to get back to work. I don't have a terribly busy week, but I need to make progress on a few projects.

I thought I had a high pain threshhold

But I'm at my limit. Surgery was yesterday, actually last night. I had to get to the hospital at noon, couldn't eat after midnight, and waited around, stomach growling until 4:30 when I finally went into the OR. I woke up around 8 had some water and one saltine in recovery, got home after 9 and just ate a larabar. I just took a few short naps last night. The pain wasn't bad then but it's been getting worse all day. It feels like someone is slicing my foot with a burning hot blade. It's throbbing and pulsing and just really hurts. At least I have a different painkiller this time which I seem to be tolerating better. I haven't slept all day, and I'm not terribly nauseous. I looked at my journal from last time, and the day after surgery was awful then, and I felt better the next day, so hopefully it will be the same this time.

What won't be the same is that I'm going to be in a real cast for a month, and I'm in a knee-high splint now. I just want to get through today without ripping off my entire foot.

Here we go again

I got into the doctor yesterday. One of the staples from the previous surgery came loose, and the fusion isn't stable anymore. So basically I'm back where I was 4 years ago and have to have surgery again. And I have a very valid reason why I couldn't finish the marathon. I have a staple popping out and pushing on nerves - which really hurts. And a bone sliding out of place.

Surgery is next Thursday.

I'm trying really hard to be positive and to find ways to make it easier this time. I've put together a list of exercises I can do. I'm figuring out what I need to move around the house to make working here easier. And I'm scrambling to move work and personal appointments. Best case scenario is walking very early in the new year. And hopefully avoiding the worst of winter.

I had to cancel my shoulder appointment. I can't do anything about it until my foot is better. I haven't tried using crutches yet, I'm not sure how that's going to feel. Could be really bad. I can't decide if it's better or worse to know what I'm walking (or not walking as the case may be) into.

Recalibrating

I had a good night's sleep last night and slept off the crying hangover. Now I just feel empty. Between ending W30 and having all my great running plans up in the air I feel rudderless. I can't get into see the foot doctor for a week - maybe a cancellation will open up. It hurts when I walk. It aches when I'm not walking. I did not go to the gym today. I may go swim tomorrow. Or try the elliptical or bike. I usually go to yoga on Tuesday's but I don't know that I should do that. Maybe I can just modify. I could use the stretching (mental and physical). 

I did not go off the rails and self medicate with sugar. I did have two beers and some ribs which probably had sugar in the rub. They were good, and the beers took the edge off my mental and physical pain. I had a normal breakfast today. We're going to a beer dinner at a restaurant with amazing deserts tonight. My plan is to just have small tastes of whatever looks good and to just practice moderation. I don't want to feel any shittier than I already do. 

I'm having visions of juggling shoulder and foot surgery - figuring out how to time things so I can be on crutches if I need to. Maybe the foot isn't that messed up. Maybe it's just a stress fracture which will take a few weeks in a boot. Or maybe it's nothing. I really don't want months of PT. I feel like I know what they're going to have me do since it's not my first go round at either of these things. Again, I know I've written about this before here or on some long lost blog or journal, but I get so frustrated that I so badly want to be out doing these active things, and my body just won't let me, yet there are so many injury free people who just sit on their asses. Not fair. I've worked so hard this year to get back to this level of weight and fitness and I don't want to throw it away. That means I need to stick with what works for me re: food, figure out how to incorporate some treats, and figure out how to exercise with whatever limitations I'm dealing with now (pilates, swimming, spinning...). 

So frustrating. 

DNF

I'm devastated. I should be just about done with the race now, instead I'm home, showered and hiding under the covers wallowing in self pity and worrying about a very sore foot.

Everything started well enough - didn't sleep much, got up, ate, hit the road, found a decent parking spot, short line at the porta potty, found my pace group and hit the road. First 7 miles were good. Cold but good. Then my foot started aching. My foot where I had calcaneocubiod fusion surgery 4 years ago. Right where the fusion was. I walked a bit. Gave myself a pep talk, ate a date, and started running. Foot really hurt. I realized that I probably couldn't run another 18 miles. Had a big ugly sobbing meltdown. Collected myself, decided that I didn't care about the clock and I just wanted to finish, and wouldn't it be funny to look back at the mile 8-9 meltdown from the finish line and laugh about how dramatic I'd been. With visions of a 6 hour finish in my head I started running again. For a minute. Then realized something was really wrong. Did a few more run/walk attempts. Which hurt. I realized I was done, called home, had another sobbing meltdown, shoved a few well-meaning spectators and fellow runners away as they tried to encourage me with "you can do it, you're almost there!", checked my phone to see if there was a more direct way back to the start/finish, saw there was not and slowly and painfully walked the 3+ miles back to my car.

At some point near the end I pulled off my race number and timing chip just so people would stop telling me how great I looked and that I was almost done (which is an annoyance on a course with a full and half - had I not quit, I would've still had 13 miles to go).

I'm really sad, disappointed, upset and mostly afraid that something is really wrong with my foot. It's swollen and throbbing. Maybe just a stress fracture, maybe something slipped? I'll call the doctor tomorrow and start the insanity anew.

I am still ending W30/70-2/whatever today. With a beer. And taking a few days off from worrying about food and exercise. Considering my whole left side is messed up right now, there's not much I can do (shoulder is bothering me, have an appt. next week to get that looked at). I'll eat what I want that looks really good, and stay mostly with the whole, good foods I've been eating.

I'm sad about all the things I missed because I was training (including a friend's 40th birthday party last night and a concert with my husband Friday night), but proud of myself for trying and making so much progress. Even if I didn't make it all the way. I'm really scared that this is the end of distance running for me. I really thought I was done with all this.

Let's do this

11 hours from now I'll be running a marathon. I feel like it's my first time. I started to type "it's been over 5 years since I've done anything like this" then I remembered feeling this same excitement/anxiety before the two centuries I rode 3 and 4 years ago. So it's really only been 3 years since I've done anything like this. And I've done endurance events (marathons, ultras, centuries) 10 times before. And lived through all of them. And enjoyed them all. So here I go again. Full of nerves. Dreading starting and wishing I was already running at the same time.

I know that I didn't train as well as I should've. Part laziness, part injury prevention. Whenever I felt injuries starting to flare up I dialed back my training. I did all my long runs, but didn't do nearly enough mid-distance runs. Since I spent 2 of those 5 years not running at all due to serious injuries, and have had ankle, knee and hip problems I thought it was the best plan.

I've also been eating Whole 30 for all but 2 days of the past 10 weeks. Figuring out how to fuel the long runs has been a continual experiment. Since it's supposed to be cold tomorrow I'm not so worried about fluids, and I'm not going to run with coconut water. I'll carry fruit chews and dates. And I'll get up early enough to eat before I hit the road for the hour drive to the suburbs and have a bar if I need to before I start. I have a bag of food packed to bring to eat on the drive home.

I'm going to run with the 5 hour (11:27) pace group. That feels slow when I run that pace on the treadmill, but I want to take it easy and hopefully run the whole time. I've never taken that approach to a race before. I'm usually more of the blindly-optimistic, I've run faster shorter distances so I'm going to go out at my best pace and burn myself out and suffer at the end kind of runner. Maybe this is the new mature me. This is my first marathon in the over 40 bracket. Maybe old me is smarter than younger me.

I anticipate being a mess at the start and finish lines. I'm a pretty unemotional person. Two things make me cry. Dogs, and people doing endurance events against the odds. And I think of myself in that second group. Fat kid who never did anything athletic, now with a reconstructed ankle who never thought she'd be able to do another marathon.

Lets do this.

Taper + travel + update

Today is Day 30 of my second almost consecutive W30. I started Sept. 1, took two days off after 33 days, and then started again, and I'm going through Nov. 9 after I cross the marathon finish line. I'll probably have a beer (or two) that night. And ease up a bit on the sugar patrolling. And maybe have the occasional food I haven't had in months. I'm writing this from a hotel room on a business trip. Which I did not prepare well for. I've eaten a ridiculous quantity of nut mix today, which is beyond the in-case-of-emergency sanctioned by W30. I've had a long day and I didn't have lunch. I do not feel my best. I have a cooler with breakfasts, but I didn't bring lunch and didn't have time to get anything today.

I did my first of the month progress pictures. I'm two weeks into taper here, which means I haven't been exercising as much as I usually do. Which I think has slowed progress. I know there are a few W30 foods that I'm eating more of than I should (potato, fruit), and the next time (January), I'll fix that. Even with those disclaimers (excuses?) I still see progress.

I still got it

well - kind of. I did my long run on Thursday and decided to do a bit of a test. My last few long runs had been very very slow according to Runkeeper, and I wanted to get a sense of what was realistic for the marathon. So I put on some good music and ran comfortably fast (instead of relaxed long run pace) for the first half of my 20 miler. Here's what happened:

10:25 pace for the first 10 miles. That's just a few seconds per mile off my PR marathon pace. I was really happy with that, but know it's completely unrealistic to think I can come close to that for 26.2. Especially knowing how I felt on the return 10. I walked a lot. I took my time. I switched from running tunes to podcasts. I took probably a half hour longer to do the final 10. (I turned off Runkeeper because I didn't want to be taunted by my slowness). I know I have a half marathon at a good pace in me right now.

I also know that this marathon is not about a PR. At all. So my plan is to start with the 5:00 pace group. Take it easy. Run conservatively. And if I feel good at 18 or 20, I'll pick it up. I'd rather take my time and run the whole way than end up walking because I used it all up. I want to finish feeling good, not hurt myself, prove I can do this after all my body has been through, and then if it goes well, I'll do better the next time.

The W30 thing is becoming second nature. I'm not even counting the days anymore. I guess it's about day 13 of round 2 - two weeks since my hiatus. Oddly the biggest temptation I've faced was when I made rice for my husband to eat with the delicious lamb vindaloo I'd made. I couldn't taste the rice to check it when I was cooking, and I really wanted to pick at it when I was putting away leftovers. I don't even really like rice. I did not have any.

I took some Trader Joe's fruit snacks (just fruit concentrate and pulp, no added sugars or horribly nasty stuff, not W30, but I'm ok with it since I technically finished my W30 in September and am just continuing through the marathon since it seems to be working for me) on my run. They seemed to do the trick. (I tried sweet potatoes on a run. It was disgusting and didn't sit well.) I just drank water. I will probably do the same for the marathon. It wasn't hot out, but my face was still salty when I was done, so maybe I'll add some salt to the fruit snacks. Since I'm not really pushing for any aggressive performance goals I'm not terribly concerned with fine tuning nutrition. I just don't want to eat anything that makes me sick, and I want to avoid eating sugary plastic goo.

Recovery is so much better now than it was previously when I was eating pasta and Gu and Gatorade. I still feel fatigued two days later, but I'm not SORE. I can walk up and down stairs without any pain. It's pretty amazing.

I'm trying to limit nuts yet have been eating too much fruit. I need to focus on minimizing both and eating more fat to prevent snackiness. I'd like to drop a few more pounds before the race for the sake of my knees and having less to haul around for a few hours. I know I run happiest when I'm under 140 and I think I'm still a bit over.

Overall feeling good. Happy with my improving fitness. Thrilled that I'm just weeks away from marathon #7 (or #9 if you count the ultras, which I think for sure count). All good.

19ish and I may finally have had a big breakthrough

After 33 days, I took the weekend "off" from W30. That means that I played "is it worth it" and ate what I really wanted. I did not go nuts. I did not try to cram in all my old favorites before going back on the wagon. I did not eat bread just because it was in front of me. Mostly I drank. I went to a beer festival, but abandoned more than half of my giant Oktoberfest stein. I went to a wedding and had wine, from a glass which kept magically getting refilled. I ate ONE BITE of cheesecake wedding cake. WITH CARAMEL SAUCE (I looooooove caramel sauce).  I had brunch at my favorite brunch place and tasted the biscuit (another favorite), ate some roasted potatoes, and left both unfinished on my plate (again, previously unheard of). I did not feel great after eating a fraction of a buttery biscuit. I was on my own Saturday and thought about going out for lunch and eating a sandwich or something I once loved, but nothing seemed worth it, so I went home and defrosted some spicy Vietnamese beef stew and enjoyed it. And I happily got back on the W30 train after brunch for another 34 days. Which will get me to my marathon. I will potentially have something non-W30 after the race. If I really want it.

I feel good. I feel in control. I feel like I've turned a corner.

But... I am so slow!!!! I did last week's long run this morning and damn, I'm slow. I'm looking at a 5 hour marathon. I felt fine, nothing hurt, and I felt like I was going at a decent pace, but the app said otherwise. I was running in the city and had to stop at traffic lights, but still! I'm excited to be running. I'm enjoying being out there for hours (and hours). But I'm frustrated by how slow I am. True I haven't run this much in 5 years, and I'm 5 years older (crossing that critical 40 milestone in those 5 years), and a bit heavier (working on that), and I have a frankensteined foot (surgery fusing together two bones four years ago) which required a very long recovery. But I'm SLOW. Better slow and moving than couchbound I suppose. I did somewhere between 18 and 19 miles. I was having some trouble with my tracking apps, and just ran around my neighborhood in a bunch of loops since I was worried that last week's hip and foot pain might cut my run short, so I'm not really sure how much I did. I was out around 4 hours. So a lot.

I ate Trader Joe's fruit leather while I was out. It seemed to do the trick. It's fruit juice concentrate, no additional sugars. 50 calories per package and very portable and not nearly as gross as pureed sweet potato.

Day 30. Small change of plans.

So the food thing is great. I'm not ready to stop. I feel good. I feel leaner. My skin looks great. I'm sleeping well. Energy is good. There's nothing I'm craving. I would like easier choices for going out to eat, but I can deal with that. I'm going to stick with this until Friday, take the weekend off and then get right back on it through the marathon.

Speaking of the marathon, all my past injuries are flaring up. I had a 19 mile run scheduled tomorrow but I'm going to push it back until next week to let the hip bursitis and ankle stiffness get better. I'm doing a lot of icing and stretching. It's gotta get better. I really want to cross that finish line.

17 miles on day 17

Whole30 is going strong. I did have my first food dream last night. In it I ate some pasta chips - these awful things that I got a sample of a few weeks ago and ate during my last-suppering. They were gross. In my dream I ate them and thought I was ok because they didn't have any sugar in them, then I realized they were PASTA. My skin is not as clear as it usually is by this point of the W30 adventure. But I'm feeling good and sleeping better than I had been. I don't have any cravings, and I'm cooking really delicious meals. I'm doing better at reaching for veggies, guac and HB eggs rather than nuts and dates when I need a quick snack.

I did my long run this morning. Only 6 days since my last one, and I did intervals on Monday, which may have not been the best strategy. My legs felt a big fatigued, and I ended up taking more walking breaks than I would like to. I'm also still figuring out nutrition. I ate the whites of a hard boiled egg (yolks tend to not sit well all the time and I didn't want to risk it) and a larabar before I left, and brought a ziploc with sweet potato blended with dates (3 tiny potatoes and 3 dates). This was kind of gross. It tasted too sweet, and was just smooshy and gross and messy. The quantity was right, but the experience was not. And I had to carry a huge bag of mush, which I could not eat while moving. Not really a practical race solution. Next time I may go back to larabars and dates with some almond butter.  Next week is a cutback week so I won't be running long enough to need to carry food, so I won't test this for a while. I still have 2 more long runs to experiment.

I don't feel as great as I did after last week's run, but it's more joint discomfort than muscle pain. I certainly feel better than I remember feeling after this kind of distance when I was eating normally. My hips and knees ache a bit, and I have some fatigue in my glutes/hamstrings.

A breakthrough: food is fuel (duh)

I’m on day 11 of my fourth Whole30. And midway through training for my 9^th marathon. I just got back from a 15 mile run and I think I’ve had a breakthrough.

I was worried heading out this morning because my last two short runs sucked. I was following the Whole30 timeline to the letter. No energy, heavy legs, just couldn’t do it. Everything I’d read on the forums had me prepared to go out today and turn around after a few miles, and just wait a few more days to try again, as most people reported the suck continuing until week 2. I’d already played with my training plan, and that would’ve been ok. I could adjust and still be ready for my marathon.

Somehow today was fine. A 20 degree drop in temperature from yesterday helped. Eating potatoes yesterday probably helped. Drinking coconut water with salt on the run may have helped. Finally sleeping through the night certainly helped. My legs felt good. I took a few walk breaks, but ran pretty consistently at my training pace. My energy was good. I had a larabar before I left home, and most of a sweet potato while I was running, but was very hungry by the end and need to bring more food with me next long run.

I came home and raided the fridge. Took out container after container of leftovers and had a breakfast of egg salad (homemade mayo of course!) on yellow pepper slabs, roast cauliflower, grapefruit, dates and almonds. That’s when it hit me. There would be no treat after this long run.

In the past, the focus of training often wasn’t on the training, but on where we’d go for brunch/beer after a long run, and then what sugary baked good we’d pick up to have for a snack later in the afternoon (my favorite). I rewarded my long runs with food. I have two more long runs (17 and 19 miles) planned before I’m done with this W30+ (I’m planning on 33 days – just the way my schedule is working out), and I’m shifting my focus to what to eat to make the runs better, not what to run to justify eating crap. I’m using these long runs as experiments to learn what I need to eat and drink while I’m running now that I’m not using Gatorade and Gu (lesson #1: need to bring MORE!). I’m just back to running after a bad injury/surgery that somehow took 4+ years to rehab from, so my goal isn’t to PR, but just to do the best I can do at 5 years older than I was when I ran my last (PR) marathon. I’m really interested to see how eating right changes the equation.

I’ve been home for a few hours now, and my legs feel good. Noticeably better than they usually do after a long run. This might really work!

Textbook

I seem to be following the Whole 30 timeline exactly this time. I'm also sleeping terribly, which isn't mentioned, but I've been up in the middle of the night for the past 4 or 5 nights. I'm not particularly stressed. I don't know why I'm having this problem.

I've gone for a few short runs since starting, and they've been TERRIBLE. Everything I've read says that it can take 2-4 weeks to adapt. There are a ton of posts on the forum from people who report heavy legs and disastrous runs. I'm going to add in more sweet potatoes and starchy vegetables and see if that helps push this along. I have enough time in my training schedule that if I can't do a long run this week I can adjust my plan and still get in the runs I need. I'd like to do 15 on Thursday. I'll plan for it, and see how much I can do.

W30#4 week 1

Ok - week 1 done. I certainly paid for my vacation s'mores eating and beer drinking. I felt like shit for the first few days. Massive headache, and no energy. Happily that's all done (I hope) and I'm feeling much better.

I did however self medicate with cashews and dates. Those will be the last nuts I buy for the month. Dates I need, but I need to only eat them when I'm on long runs. I cannot be trusted with cashews in the house. Seriously I'd rather eat cashews than ice cream or chocolate. (This brewery we went to on vacation served a giant dish of cashews as a bar snack for $3. I was so happy.)

I feel less bloated. I've been waking up stupid early after sleeping well for about 6-7 hours. I'd be happier with 8.

I cooked extra of everything I made this week, so have a bunch of options in the freezer to eat later. I'll do more of that this week, and then be able to coast a bit later in the month.

I have to do a 15 mile run this week. Hopefully my energy will stay good, and I can start figuring out what to eat that isn't gu and gatorade. I felt fine on a 30 mile bike ride with water and a larabar, but I know I need more when I run.

W30#4 D2

Day 2 and I feel like crap. I have a headache. I'm HUNGRY. I want a nap.

I've made a bunch of really delicious food. I don't want anything I can't have. I just want the next few days to go quickly.

I've been reading a lot about endurance training and paleo. I hope I can make it work.

Game on

I signed up for a marathon in 10 weeks. I can always drop to the half marathon if I need to. I'm doing a lot of research on Whole30/paleo endurance fueling. I'm going to try salted coconut water and some kind of date/sweet potato puree for fueling during my long runs. I've got enough time to adapt to being back on track and make adjustments. I'm starting a W30 today, and plan to go until Oct. 3, take a few days off, then potentially keep going until after the race.

I did some cooking and shopping this morning, and I'm ready to go.

My legs feel pretty good today, just a bit tight. Tomorrow I'll do upper body and then I'll run on Wednesday.

great and awful and great all at once

That was hard. It was blazing hot with no shade at all. I had to take frequent walk breaks the last half of the course just to keep from overheating. My legs felt fine. I could've run much stronger, but it was so freaking hot.

I also had some lingering breathing problems from this week's sickness.

Needless to say my time was not great. In fact it was my slowest race ever of any distance. But I did it. After all the bullshit and injury and drama of the past five years in my body, I did it.

A friend found me close to the end and I ran the last bit with her, which really helped me to the finish line. It was not pretty.

I might be more proud of this than of the 50Ks. This was a huge step for me. Feels really good to be done.

I've done this at least 30 times

but I'm nervous for tomorrow's half. I've run 13 miles at least 30 times while training for marathons and more, but I haven't done it in nearly 5 years. I've been sick for a week (respiratory thing) and my whole body is achy and covered in mosquito bites, so I'm not quite at my best. And I've spent the last week on vacation biking between breweries and eating crap. So there's that.

But I'm going to do it, I'm going to do the best I can do tomorrow. I'm going to get that damn medal and add it to my dusty old collection and I'm going to probably cry at both the start and finish lines. This is a pretty big deal for me. I really want to run another marathon and this might be the year.

In an attempt to make that as easy as possible, I'm starting another Whole30 on Monday. Unless tomorrow really really sucks I plan to keep adding distance through the month, drop a few pounds, eliminate a bunch of the small aches and pains and work towards a November 26.2.

Playlist is ready to go. I keep reminding myself that I've done so much more so many times, and that it's ok to be slow. I'm expecting a time like I had my first few years - something in the 2:25 zone. And I'll be as proud of it as I was of my 2:03. I'm going to start with the 10:30 pace group and see how the day goes.

longest run since February 2010

I did 12 miles this morning. I ran about 4.5 around the neighborhood ending up at my gym, ran 6 on the treadmill (had a show I'd been saving to watch and this seemed like a good way to pass the time), then ran the 1.5 miles home from the gym.

Everything aches. I think I have a toenail that may not be long for the world. My stomach is messed up.

It's great to be back ;)

Rookie mistake - ugh

It's been so long since I ran regularly at the lakefront path that I forgot about the parking restrictions. AND GOT TOWED. I couldn't see the sign because the trees were very leafy and hid the sign, which was pretty far away anyhow. Awesome way to end a pretty decent 10 mile run this morning.

I suppose this inconvenience doesn't compare to the time I ran a 50k and had a flat tire. That really sucked. You don't have a lot of strength for tire-changing after running 31 miles.

Oh yeah. I ran 10+ miles this morning. I'm not sure exactly how much it was because it seems in my absence from running on the lakefront path they moved it. I ran the old way and wondered why there weren't any mile markers for what seemed like at least a mile, then on the way back saw that the path sign pointed down a different way - so I followed it and found the mile markers. I also ran part of the way home from the bus that I had to take home since I didn't have a car to drive home. Sigh. I'm slow. I walked some. I actually felt better at the end that at the start or middle and could've gone longer, but I'd passed the spot I parked and saw the lack of car, so wanted to get that figured out instead of tacking on another mile or two.

I had the bus ride home to cool down and stop beating myself up for stupidity. So I decided to stick to my plan and do this yoga routine that I love, and not ruin my whole day.

I've got 3.5 weeks til the half. I'll take it easy next week, then do a 10-12 miler the following week.

My ankle feels ok. It aches all the time and stiffens up if I sit for too long, but it doesn't really hurt or bother me while running, and doesn't seem to get worse when I run. I have some hip discomfort after running, but I'm icing and hoping doing more yoga helps.

I'm running!

I haven't been blogging, but I've been running. I did a 10k last night. It was really fun. Perfect night if 20 degrees below normal doesn't make you worry about global warming too much to enjoy 70 degrees in late July in Chicago. I felt strong the whole time, and finished with a sprint to the line. I was not nearly as fast as I was five years ago when I was running and racing consistently. In fact I was over a minute per mile slower. But I had fun. I've lost some weight over the past few months and am a few pounds lower than I was at the end of my January W30. Still have a few to go, but I'm taking it slow and steady. My ankle feels really stiff today. It's never going to feel good. My hips and knees hurt a bit, but yoga seems to help.

I'm going to do an 8 or 9 mile run in a few days and if that goes well I'll sign up for a half marathon on 8/31. And I'm entertaining thoughts of a November marathon. We'll see...

Paleo resources

I've had a few friends ask for W30 tips and recipes, so I figured I'd put them all in one place. I'm sure I'll do it again soon too, so it'll be helpful to have everything in one place. Please add comments with any great finds, and I'll update this post.

General resources
Whole30 program
Whole30 daily e-mails - very helpful for your first time through the program
Success stories and motivation - weight loss and overall health improvements

Recommended recipes
First a disclaimer. I do not follow recipes exactly very often. I look at them for ideas, and usually improvise. I do a lot of adjusting and substituting and will try a "normal" recipe and just leave out the sugar or flour. It usually turns out tasty. Also substitute oil (olive oil, coconut oil...) for butter.

MEAT

• Shepherd's Pie - love this. I use a combination of these two recipes: one and two. 
• Vietnamese Lemongrass Beef Stew - this is one of my all-time favorite recipes. I have the cookbook it's from. I've made it as written, have paleo modified it, and have also just thrown all ingredients into the crock pot. It always turns out great. Full recipe here (WSJ subscription required) and paleo version here. (note 9/3/14 - I just made this again this weekend using the paleo recipe and just throwing everything in the crock pot. I asked the butcher for something less expensive and delicious to slow cook and they gave me beef calf - like the calf muscle - SO GOOD. Better than what the recipe calls for. If you can get it, try it.)
• South Indian Beef Curry
• Merguez Meatballs
• Asian Braised Pork Shoulder: requires a few substitutions or omissions to paleo-ize, but still turns out great. Also can make in crock pot. 
• My Mushroom Meatloaf - scroll to the bottom of the post. I invented this one. 
• (added 9/25/14) Lamb Vindaloo - I made this with lamb chops, so didn't cook as long as you would with a tougher cut of meat. Followed the recipe through browning the meat, then put everything in the crock pot for two hours on low, then added carrots and cauliflower and cooked for an hour on high. It was really good. (edit 12/28/14)I just made this again - got a pressure cooker for a present, so tried it out on this, using lamb stew meat - it took 15 minutes and turned out great. 
• (added 12/24/14) Asian Meatballs - tastes like potsticker filling. 
• (added 12/24/14) Indian Spareribs - the recipe is written for a pressure cooker, which is the one gadget I don't have, so I cooked at 300 for about 1:45. Delicious. 

POULTRY

• Sous vide Chicken in Ancho Chile Paste - I have a Sous Vide Supreme. It's fun. You could just marinate the chicken in this paste and grill or roast. But it's really good in the SV. 
• Turkey Breast in Mole - I made this in the crock pot. It was good. 
• Slow Cooker Chicken Carnitas
• Chicken Butternut Tangine
• Balinese Grilled Chicken
• Chicken Pallard with Curried Oyster Mushrooms
• Turkey (and/or pork) breakfast patties - this is my recipe - it's at the bottom of a post from my last W30.
• Chicken cooking techniques - breasts (just don't use the flour), whole roast chicken (this is amazing, especially if you use a really good chicken. I swear by Gunthorp chickens that I get at Butcher and Larder. 
• Moroccan-style Chicken and Root Vegetable Stew - this is so good. Make a huge batch. It'll freeze. 
• (added 9/7/14) - Jerk Chicken - I used a date instead of the sugar, and just used boneless, skinless chicken breasts (what I had in the freezer). Spicy. Tasty. (update 9/25/14) Used the remaining marinade on goat (our CSA gives us a lot of goat) - can't remember what cut it was, but I put it in the crock w/onions and it was delicious. 
• (added 4/8/15) - Apple-Braised Turkey Thigh - The meat CSA gave me turkey thighs. I had no idea what to do with them. Martha to the rescue. This was really good. 

FISH

• Fish tacos - eat in cabbage leaves instead of tortillas. 
• Mushroom Smothered Trout
• Tirado de Mahi Mahi - omit the honey if you're avoiding honey. I'm allergic to mango so used pineapple in the salsa - delicious. 
• Coconut Fish Stew - good base for experimentation
• (added 7/22/14) Smoked Trout Salad - great for a hot summer night. Really tasty. 
• (added 10/5/14)  How to Sear Salmon - simple technique tips for crispy skin.

EGGS + VEGGIES

• Big Ass Breakfast Pancake
• Shakshuka - I haven't used this specific recipe - but this is one of those recipes where you just take the basic idea and throw in what you've got on hand. 
• Baked Cauliflower Fritata
• Sweet Potato and Kale Pancakes - I've just made the cakes, not the sauce. They're good. 
• Butternut Squash Soup
• Curried Broccoli Soup
• (added 9/7/14) Baked Sweet Potato Fries - I used both regular and Japanese sweet potatoes, and seasoned with cayenne pepper and cinnamon. And they actually turned out crispy and tasty. 
• (added 10/5/14) Ultra-crispy Roast Potatoes - now that potatoes are W30 legal. 
• (added 12/24/14)Aloo Gobi - had this with the Indian Lamb Spare Ribs for Christmas Eve dinner. We used to go out for Indian food as a Christmas Eve tradition, but now that I won't eat anything at the place we used to go (not my kinda meat), I figured I'd make us a substitute feast. 
• (added 4/8/15) Parsnip Pear Soup

CONDIMENTS 

• Paleo mayo - make this. It's worth it. And all store mayo is full of crap. 
• Ranch dressing - amazing. Very ranchy. 
• 'Peanut' sauce - I invented this. It's good. 

My W30 pantry basics and favorite tips: 

• Dried mushrooms - this is huge, and something I invented and haven't seen elsewhere. Pulverize them into powder and use in meatloaf and meatballs instead of flour. Use as breading on pan-fried chicken or chops. I found giant bags of dried mushrooms for a few dollars at the Asian market. 
• Nori wraps - you can get them for cheap at Asian markets, or pay a ton for them at Whole Foods. I use them to make "sandwiches".  Egg salad, smoked salmon, turkey... just put them on a nori sheet with some onions, lettuce, tomato, paleo mayo... and roll up. Favorite quick lunch.
• Nut butters - almond or sunbutter - eat on apple slices or celery. I like the Trader Joe's raw almond butter. 
• Larabars - I know they're not 100% Whole30, but I eat them when I'm doing W30. I need something I can grab and eat, and something I can digest before a workout
• Coconut milk - makes everything creamy and delicious. Mix with Thai chili paste, throw in some veggies and chicken or shrimp and make a quick, tasty curry. Whip the solid part (drain the can) and eat with berries when you need a treat. 
• Cauliflower - I love cauliflower. Roast it and it turns into popcorn. Mash it and it turns into potatoes. 
• Kale (or chard, or mustard green) chips - sometimes you just need crunchy. Easy to make. 
• Crock pot: get one. Use it. Just throw tough cuts of meat, onion, carrots and spices in and slow cook. We call it meat mush, and it's always tasty and easy. (edit 4/8/15 - get a pressure cooker instead - see below) 
• Farm CSA: if you can, try this. We do one with Mint Creek Farm. We get 10lbs of meat per month, and I've learned to cook all different kinds of meat. And learned that goat is tasty and healthy. 
• Coconut aminos - soy sauce substitute
• Red Boat fish sauce - most other fish sauce brands have sugar
• Trader Joe's jalepeno hot sauce doesn't have sugar or other crap in it. 
• Use your freezer. Make large batches of everything and freeze some to eat later when you don't feel like cooking. 
• Grilling cheat sheet
• Buy yourself some fancy teas. Have a cup after dinner. Enjoy. 
• (added 4/8/15) Get an Instapot. It's amazing. Anything you'd make in a crock pot you can make in the pressure cooker in under an hour. And you can brown meat and sautee onions in it first, and reduce the cooking liquid after - so much easier to clean than the crock. And things get less dried out. 

(added 8/12/15) More recipes HERE

so not zen

The yoga thing fell apart after about 8 days. I just didn't care enough to make it work.And my whole month has just been sloppy and shapeless in the food and fitness front. Work is great. And I'm back to juggling a lot of things at once - busy with a new client, end of quarter so school is nuts, blah blah blah.

And I'm realizing a few things about myself. When I'm on, I'm on. There's no one more on than me. And I feel great. And I love the control. I just seem to find such an extreme place to live that it's not realistic for life. And when I fall off I fall off hard. I need to learn to live in the inbetween spaces. But that's really not me. In anything.

I did a good job reintroducing food, and learned that gluten gives me a headache. Sugar makes me cough and gives me asthma. Dairy and cider blow out my stomach. But then I get used to all of it and I just feel generally crappy all the time.

I'm finding excuses to just roll down a hill. While at the very same time counting the days until I can start another W30 - which I think needs to be longer than 30, since I don't seem to learn with 30. I have a few events coming up where fun is more important than feeling good. Then I'm on March 16.

I'm putting the band back on tomorrow. I can't wait until the sidewalks are clear and it's above 20 degrees and I can run outside. I'm going to stop eating things that I know I shouldn't be eating. I'm going to cook more. I'll stop doing the things that I said I wasn't going to start doing after the 30 days - eating after dinner and pouring nuts and dried fruit down my gullet. I'll reign in the insanity for the next 3 weeks, then get back on the wagon.

And now for a new game to play in February

Now that I've wrapped up my Whole30, I need a new challenge. I'm still figuring out what to eat. I haven't ventured beyond my ill-fated English muffin incident, some dark chocolate and red wine. I have a big zit on my chin. My stomach hasn't been great. I might have a beer tonight. I have a container of yogurt in the fridge that I want to try to see what dairy does to me, but I'm afraid. So February will be about continuing to get a real understanding of what foods make me feel good, and which don't.

My challenge will be totally different from my band-driven previous 8 months, where I was focused on (ok, obsessed with) getting to my target each day. This resulted in hours (weeks probably) on the elliptical and treadmill, pacing around the house, and not doing enough strength training and stretching because I needed to spend my workout time getting closer to my daily goal dammit.

My new goal is to do at least 20 minutes of yoga every day in February. I've been going to class at the gym twice a week. I will try to fit in more classes, and if I can't make that work with my schedule, I will do at least 20 minutes at home. Every day. I will continue to do cardio and weights, but perhaps not as obsessively as I have been.

Recap

It feels good to be done. I was in no rush to reintroduce, but figured I needed to start today to be methodical about it. So I had an English muffin. It was delicious. I had a tiny smear of jam on one bite and immediately coughed and felt pain in my throat. I knew about the sugar problem, and was just testing and reconfirming. 

What I did not know about was the gluten problem. By the time I got home, my stomach started hurting. And soon after running to the bathroom, a headache started. And got worse for a few hours. 

I had a glass of wine this evening, and it was delicious. I feel fine so far. 

 I took off my band. I want to focus on doing other types of exercise than just pounding steps.

I ate too many nuts and dates today. That was really what I missed. Now hopefully I've got this out of my system and I can regain balance.

Here's how I started. The white is from day zero. The red from today.

note: I know #5 totally breaks W30 official rules. These are my rules. Some are beyond W30, some contradict it. 

I learned that I do not need to eat after dinner, and that I should go hours without eating. I learned that just writing down what I eat publicly (that no one reads, but they could), even just in a list without details makes me think twice about eating more than my planned meal. I would finish my illustration right after dinner most nights, and push the post, so I wouldn't want to have to go back and revise it, so I stopped eating for the day.

I really liked what we ate this month. I made a lot of really good food. I didn't feel like I was missing anything other than mindless eating.

I lost 6.2 pounds. I'm at 146.2 now. I'm happy with that for a month's work. It's not over. I have a plan for Feb. that I'll write about later.

Day 30 - DONE!

So, that wasn't too bad. When you work at home, love to cook, and the whole world slows down due to the worst winter weather in years, this really isn't so hard. I faced limited temptations and had time to shop and prep. And I'm good at all or nothing rules.

I'll write a summary post in the next day or two.

Day 29 - feeling the magic

I feel fantastic today. I slept SO well last night. Woke up to a freezing but sunny day. Had a good workout, made progress on some work stuff, restocked our bare freezer and fridge. Tomorrow is it. I'm half ready for a break, and already thinking about what comes next.

Day 28 - back in the safety of home

Leaving home on W30 is hard! I think I did a pretty good job at the intensive (which is usually a giant snackathon) - my only issue was portion control. I feel like I ate more than I usually do, since I wasn't eating the amounts of protein that I think I needed to fill up, so I think I ate more of other stuff (lots of fruit) than I probably should've. I'm fine going back to my normal W30 life for a few more days. I'm actually in no rush to stop, but I know if I don't start reintroducing slowly, I'll hit a point where I just go totally off, and I won't be able to isolate what I react to. So I'm going to start reintroduction on day 31. Even though I don't specifically want to go off plan.

I'm not doing my usual Monday weigh in - it's supposed to be brutally cold tomorrow so I'm not planning on leaving the house (no scale at home), and I'll just wait until Wednesday and get a final weight.

Day 27 - small improvements

Today was day 2 of 3 days of this quarter's grad school intensive. Which means over an hour commute plus 6-12 hours in the classroom. Sitting. I did get outside for a few short, very cold walks. And dragged myself out of bed early to walk on the treadmill for 45 minutes. I brought some food and have been eating fruit and veg from catering. And avoiding all the cookies and lasagne and candy.

3 more days.

Day 26 - 11 hours of class. Zero of exercise.

Still not sleeping. Surrounded by food I couldn't eat all day. Surrounded by people after spending most days working alone. Exhausted.

Day 25 - I thought I was supposed to sleep well

I've been wide awake at 5 the past two mornings, and up for hours in the middle of the night the night before that. I've got some stuff going on that is apparently stressing out my subconscious more than I thought. But it's killing my W30 energy kick. And making me want sugar and caffeine to wake me up.

Tomorrow I start 3 full days of school. 12 hours a day away from my kitchen. I'm going to have to bring a lot of food because catering is not going to have much that I can eat. And I'm going to be sitting in a classroom most of the time. So it'll be a challenge. But I'm sure as hell not blowing it on day 26-28.

Day 24 - looking ahead

I'm thinking a lot about what comes next, and where I want to go.

Day 23 - for the birds

I'm eating too much, too mindlessly. Need to get my head back in the game. After a super-productive week last week, I'm less productive this week and losing focus all over.

This is what I did to the duck. It was delicious. I did not make the glaze as it's full of things I'm not eating these days. Still delicious. And now I have a jar of duck fat. Not sure what I'll do with it.

Day 22 - the doldrums

I'm sticking with W30 due to sheer inertia. I'm bored with it. I'm bored with myself. I'm bored with drawing my daily journal. I'm bored with cooking. I'm bored with my workouts. Blah blah blah.

It is working though. Even when I think it isn't. As I said yesterday, I didn't think I had a great week. Turns out I did have a small loss. And I know I'm building muscle. But it's going to take another 10 weeks or so to get where I want to go. I'll make some changes after the 30 days, but mostly stay with it.

Day 21 - 3 weeks done

And I'm in a slump. I'm so ready to be done and go out like a normal person and not think about food all the time.

I am feeling good. I know this works and is good for me. But I want to go out and just order what looks good and have a drink. And not worry about every single ingredient.

I'm not confident that I'll have a loss on the scale tomorrow. I think I may have been eating too much fat - nut butter, coconut milk, avocado...

The thing I miss most is nuts. Which is my own rule. But my own biggest problem.

Day 20 - I want sugar!

I'm hungry today. And I want sugar. Crunchy cookies or graham crackers. I also want crunch. I'd be happy with nuts, but I know that I'm not good at just having a normal portion, so they remain off limits for the month.

I seem to need to eat every three hours, and end up having 3 meals and a fruit/nutbutter or larabar every day. So far its working. I'd like to eliminate the snack if possible, but perhaps with the amount of exercise I'm getting I need it.

Day 19 - dreaming of cookies

I woke up thinking that I had ruined my W30. I dreamed that I was at my parents' house and I ate some kind of bready/cakey thing, then dove into a tin of either Danish butter cookies or my mom's cookies. And my first thought was that I'd have to confess to my transgressions in this blog, and draw a picture of myself failing.

In my waking life I am still on track. And I do not sleep eat. So I'm good.

And today for the first time (I think) I only had 3 meals. And my only snack was some jicima.