Ending a great year on a not so great note

I had my 6 week check in this morning, and was sure that I was going to get cleared to start putting weight on my foot, and to start PT. I did not. Everything looks great, but the fusion isn't solid yet, and the doctor wants me to wait another few weeks before testing it. I guess this is normal for a second time around. I'm really disappointed and sad and frustrated. I go back in 3 weeks, which will put me at 9 weeks non weight bearing. Which is a really long time. Almost as long as last time.

I did get the green light to swim and bike (as long as I keep the boot on and keep resistance low), so that will help burn some energy. I swam for 20 minutes today, my shoulder feels ok, and I'm now congested and remembering why I don't like swimming. But I will love it for the next few months.

I'm very aware that this is really not a big deal, and it's an injury not a condition. It will get better. I will get my life back (or most of my life back). I have a lot of great things going on and I keep trying to focus on that.

More progress. More gross comparison photos.

(the gross ones are just from last year)

I'm amazed at the difference. It was so swollen and awful last time. I'm not getting the discoloration. I'm starting to be able to not elevate it without consequence. I've figured out how to grocery shop alone. I made it through a month of on-site client visits a few times a week. I go up and down these stairs

multiple times a day - although I will admit to always going down on my butt, and often crab-crawling up. Now that I know there's a good chance I can start rehabbing soon I'm SUPER impatient.

I've decided that I'm going to try to learn how to live in the real world sometimes, and not be slavish about this W30 - I know that violates everything that is W30, but I need to learn how to eat well (W30 works for me) 90% of the time, and visit reality occasionally. While the all-or-nothing approach is great during the all phases, and my nothing phases each get better, I need to learn how to live without training wheels. So I'm going to enjoy my birthday dinner. Dinner only. Not a whole day of treats. And I will eat W30 for as long as it's working for me, and have the very occasional drink or sauce or english muffin - when it's really worth it. 

second time's a charm? sixth time's a charm?

My incision is almost totally healed with minimal scarring. It's amazing. It looks better now (at 4.5 weeks) than it did last time at 10 weeks. X-rays looked great too (so says the doctor). The only thing that hurts is my whole body from contorting and crutching. I go back to the doc on New Year's Eve and should get the green light to start PT, swimming and putting weight on it. Cannot wait.

I've been off W30 for 6 weeks and I feel disgusting. So I'm going back on. Today. It'll be my sixth (I think) W30 and I'd like to go for W100, but I think there may be some work travel and vacation that could make that a silly idea. So I'm going to go for as long as I can and play it by ear. Yes, Christmas, my birthday and New Years are all in the next 10 days. I'll be fine. We're not having our annual Jewish Christmas Thanksgiving event, so no challenge there. I know where we're going for my birthday nice dinner out, and I'll be able to make good choices, and we're not doing anything for NYE - we'll probably just make a special dinner at home - so no problem there either.

I figure I'm on my way to being W30 more than not, the months keep getting closer together and the 30 days becomes more than 30, so eventually that will be how I live, with short visits to the rest of the world.

I'm excited. I'm ready to feel how I felt 6 weeks ago (ok, 6 weeks and one day ago, before I hurt my foot). My freezer has some meals ready to go (even when I'm not W30, pretty much everything I cook is, so my leftovers are good), and I'll do some more cooking today. I'm going to try to avoid nuts and pretend that the white potato rule didn't happen (I abused that one last time). I'm back on. Once I start moving again I should get back to where I was quickly.

clean! (warning, foot pictures below)

Got the stitches out yesterday and I'm amazed at how much better it looks this time than last.

3 weeks post-op

Very little swelling, and the incision seems to be healing as it should! Which is huge because last time I had a lot of trouble which tacked on another month to the process. I can now move my ankle and start to get some mobility back and take a shower without wrapping my foot in plastic - which felt so good!

My calf is already atrophying. The muscle is pure squish. Amazing how quickly that happens.

I did some exercises this morning, and (shocking) I really see a connection between how I feel when I do even the slightest activity and when I just sit on my butt. I need to start crutching around the neighborhood a bit - building up little by little just to get some air and exercise. I'm doing a bit better with food, and counting the days until we go back on W30. Thinking about trying for 100 days this time, but there will likely by some work travel and vacation that could make that not such a great idea.

enough already

I'm not doing the best job at this cheerful crutching thing. I'm pretty much over it. I miss my life. My whole body hurts from hauling my bulk around on sticks, and sitting all the time. My foot has entered a new phase of healing where it aches and swells. I knocked it twice and am of course convinced that I jostled everything out of place and need to have surgery again to fix it. Then I have vague recollections of going through this before. I see the doctor tomorrow, so I'll get x-rays and either stop worrying or get very sad.

I've been doing my mat workouts. I miss cardio desperately. I'm hopeful that I can start swimming soon, and have been researching swim lessons. I really need to start liking swimming. I have a massage this morning and I don't know that I've ever needed one more. Everything hurts.

So yeah, basically I'm fairly miserable and whiney. I'm snacking too much and know that's just making me feel worse. I need to control what I can control, and deal with the rest.

easier said than done...