DNF

I'm devastated. I should be just about done with the race now, instead I'm home, showered and hiding under the covers wallowing in self pity and worrying about a very sore foot.

Everything started well enough - didn't sleep much, got up, ate, hit the road, found a decent parking spot, short line at the porta potty, found my pace group and hit the road. First 7 miles were good. Cold but good. Then my foot started aching. My foot where I had calcaneocubiod fusion surgery 4 years ago. Right where the fusion was. I walked a bit. Gave myself a pep talk, ate a date, and started running. Foot really hurt. I realized that I probably couldn't run another 18 miles. Had a big ugly sobbing meltdown. Collected myself, decided that I didn't care about the clock and I just wanted to finish, and wouldn't it be funny to look back at the mile 8-9 meltdown from the finish line and laugh about how dramatic I'd been. With visions of a 6 hour finish in my head I started running again. For a minute. Then realized something was really wrong. Did a few more run/walk attempts. Which hurt. I realized I was done, called home, had another sobbing meltdown, shoved a few well-meaning spectators and fellow runners away as they tried to encourage me with "you can do it, you're almost there!", checked my phone to see if there was a more direct way back to the start/finish, saw there was not and slowly and painfully walked the 3+ miles back to my car.

At some point near the end I pulled off my race number and timing chip just so people would stop telling me how great I looked and that I was almost done (which is an annoyance on a course with a full and half - had I not quit, I would've still had 13 miles to go).

I'm really sad, disappointed, upset and mostly afraid that something is really wrong with my foot. It's swollen and throbbing. Maybe just a stress fracture, maybe something slipped? I'll call the doctor tomorrow and start the insanity anew.

I am still ending W30/70-2/whatever today. With a beer. And taking a few days off from worrying about food and exercise. Considering my whole left side is messed up right now, there's not much I can do (shoulder is bothering me, have an appt. next week to get that looked at). I'll eat what I want that looks really good, and stay mostly with the whole, good foods I've been eating.

I'm sad about all the things I missed because I was training (including a friend's 40th birthday party last night and a concert with my husband Friday night), but proud of myself for trying and making so much progress. Even if I didn't make it all the way. I'm really scared that this is the end of distance running for me. I really thought I was done with all this.