Planning my dismount

It's day 49 of 50, and I'm trying to figure out how to make this end different than the others. I feel great. I've only had a moments of even thinking about going back to normal. I'd be ok continuing indefinitely, but I know that would just put pressure on my to keep going just to prove I can, and would make me even more afraid of the real world. So I'm going to stop on Monday. And I need a plan to avoid going through the cycle I've been through so many times.

I'm not where I want to be yet in terms of weight/fitness. I don't want to feel as shitty as I do when I don't pay attention to what I eat. I seem to react to so many things, and in order to feel my best I have to really eat carefully. I also want to be able to be a part of the regular world. Sometimes.

Here's what I know:

• I'm not good at moderation. I don't do well when I can have "a little" of something. A little snowballs into a few portions snowballs into the whole bag.
• I'm fine saying "I'm just not having that at all". I can step away from pretty much anything if I have a good reason.
• Even a little caffeine impacts my sleep. As does playing games on my phone. 
• Carby/bready/glutinous things give me a headache. And impact my weight.
• Sugar gives me asthma. It makes me cough right when I eat it, and then makes me wheeze later. But if I eat it regularly this becomes less tied to when I eat it, and more chronic.
• Dairy hits my stomach and skin.
• Something in that list (or everything in that list) causes general aches (inflammation), making me sore all the time, and increasing post-workout pain. 
• I don't know that drinking does anything specific, other than lead to bad decisions usually involving eating something that does have consequences. 

I need to learn how to have a normal meal, or a drink sometimes without feeling like "I'm already eating crap, I might as well just have whatever I want". I need to redefine "what I want". I need to want the things that make me feel good. I've tested the boundaries so many times, I know exactly what everything I eat does to me. I don't need to keep testing. 

I'm going to have a delicious birthday dinner for my husband on Monday. I will eat a few things that I've been craving, if I decide that they're worth the price. And then I will be thoughtful. I will try to stop and think before just frantically shoving things in my face because I can. I'm a grownup. I can eat whatever the hell I want. I also have a really good understanding of what makes me feel good and what makes me feel shitty. So I should be able to make smart choices.